


before that, and colder

by Singofsolace



Series: agony and ecstasy in motion [3]
Category: Chilling Adventures of Sabrina (TV 2018)
Genre: Domestic Violence, F/M, Mind Control, Rape Recovery, Victim Blaming
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-12
Updated: 2019-07-12
Packaged: 2020-06-27 04:23:43
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,799
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19783192
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Singofsolace/pseuds/Singofsolace
Summary: After the Caligari spell is broken, Sabrina Spellman receives troubling visions while Aunt Zelda is being healed.





	before that, and colder

**Author's Note:**

> the title is taken from a Margaret Atwood poem, "Habitation." it begins: "Marriage is not / a house or even a tent / it is before that, and colder:"
> 
> *please heed the content warnings. in this story there are graphic depictions of violence and references to sexual assault, in relation to the Caligari spell.*

Sabrina knew she ought to let her aunties talk in private, but she couldn’t shake the feeling that they were hiding something important from her. So, rather than stay in the entryway, she made her way to her aunties’ bedroom door instead. She knew her aunts would kill her for listening in, but really, wasn’t it her right to know what was going on when it came to her family? It bothered her that before she disappeared, Aunt Hilda had looked at her as if she were a child in need of protection from the truth, not the newly baptized, powerful, mature witch she truly was. Just the thought of being infantilized made Sabrina clench her fists in indignation.

When would her aunties stop treating her like a little kid? They had always been overprotective, but this seemed to be overkill. She wasn’t stupid; she knew something was wrong with Auntie Zee the moment she first saw her at the Academy after she returned from Rome. If Father Blackwood had thought that no one would notice her aunt’s complete change in personality and wardrobe, he was sorely mistaken. It was strange to look at her aunt and see someone else entirely. Though, if she was being honest, Aunt Zelda hadn’t been her first priority when she was busy going toe to toe with Blackwood about her unholy miracles.

Her aunts’ voices were too muffled to hear properly from the other side of the door. Sabrina was just considering using an amplification spell when she heard her Auntie Zee’s voice rise as it came closer.

_“—I’m fine, Hilda. Now, are we done here?”_

_“If you’re fine, why won’t you let me do it? The spell would just confirm what you say, and it’d give me some peace of mind.”_

Sabrina held her breath as she debated whether or not she should back away from the door, just in case her Auntie Zee came barging through it.

_“I don’t have time for you to practice your spells for no reason, Hilda.”_

Sabrina could hear the pained hiss that followed loud and clear, just behind the door, and it made her flinch back, as if the pain could be transmitted from aunt to niece by magic. What could possibly have made that sound come out of her auntie? What was going on?

_“Satan! If you’d just told me—I wouldn’t have—”_

_“It’s nothing.”_

_“Don’t you dare lie to me, Sister…”_ The rest of Hilda’s words were too muffled to make out as the voices moved away from the door.

Sabrina longed to use her newly discovered powers to gain access to the rest of the conversation, but she was slowly becoming more and more aware that she may not _want_ to know what they were saying. She was still wrestling with herself when she heard a loud gasp that could only have come from Hilda.

 _“Zelds… what_ happened _to you?”_

Sabrina’s stomach flipped at the horror in her auntie’s voice. She tried to visualize her aunties behind the door. What _had_ happened to Aunt Zee that could inspire such shock and fear in Aunt Hilda? She didn’t realize she had sent that thought out into the universe until a strange sensation came over her; it was like someone, or some _thing_ , was prying open her mind.

Sabrina backed away from the door and started to pace as images, each one more disturbing than the one before it, flitted across her mind. She had always had an active imagination—at least, that’s what her aunties had told her when she complained of nightmares and intrusive thoughts—but now, as gruesome pictures of her aunt’s body flashed across her eyes, Sabrina wondered if it wasn’t her imagination or an outside presence at all, but rather another one of her powers.

Was she seeing what Aunt Hilda was seeing? No, that couldn’t be it. In her mind’s eye, Zelda’s face was smiling vacantly as she twirled in front of a mirror, but as she twirled, the image would flicker in and out, replaced by the crack of a whip, the twisting of ropes, the breaking of skin. Sabrina could smell sweat, and blood, and something else, something she didn’t want to name, and Sabrina’s knees gave out from under her, because then she realized she wasn’t just _seeing_ Auntie Zee:

…she could feel the whip in her hand, as if Sabrina herself were there, cracking it down against Zelda’s back, watching the skin split, and her body jerk, and her hands strain against her bonds…

…she could taste the sugar in her tea—too much—before she tossed the burning liquid uncaringly into her aunt’s chest…

…she could hear the melody of the music box, in counterpoint to the rhythm of the headboard hitting the wall…

…and she was commanding Zelda to—to—

Sabrina was going to vomit all over the hallway if the images didn’t stop. _Focus_ , she thought, concentrating on the texture of the carpet beneath her, and the bite of her fingernails into her palms; anything to ground her in reality.

What was happening to her? Why was she receiving this onslaught of projections? Had Blackwood done something to her mind without her noticing? Was the Dark Lord doing it just to torture her? Had she brought this upon herself for eavesdropping?

In the end, it was Hilda’s cursing that snapped the visions out of Sabrina’s head.

_“You’re not going back to the Academy, Zelda. Not like this.”_

Sabrina was panting on the floor, her back pressed hard against the wall. She curled her knees up to her chest, blinking her eyes over and over to make sure she could truly see again. She focused hard on her five senses, grounding herself in her surroundings. Then she whispered a spell, finally giving up any qualms about amplifying the voices inside the room so she could hear them better. So long as she was focusing on witchcraft, maybe the images wouldn’t return.

 _“I_ have _to go back. My nephew needs me.”_

Sabrina was choking silently on nothing but air, unable to steady her breathing. There was a sharp pain in the center of her chest. Was this what a panic attack felt like?

 _“Do you think Ambrose would ever choose for you to endure_ this _for him?”_

_"Faustus and I have always been…violent…with each other. I can handle it.”_

Sabrina shoved her first into her mouth, willing the nausea to subside. She could not allow herself to think about this information. If it was her own power that had transported her mind through space and time, she needed to learn how to control it, right now, or else she would surely have to endure another round of violent images.

_“Are you saying that he’s—he’s done…this…to you before?”_

Unbidden, Sabrina’s mind produced the image of Mr. Kinkle raising a fist, intent on slamming it into Harvey’s face. In the vision, Zelda stopped him with magic, and Sabrina could feel her memory-self brimming with awe, for she had never seen Zelda break one of her most sacred rules before. Why would she risk so much…? Even as Sabrina tried to retract the question from her mind, a new assault of phantom sounds, smells, and images came…

…a young Zelda, no older than fifteen, slammed viciously against the wall by hands that were much larger than Sabrina’s, but nevertheless seemed attached to her dream-like body, and the power of it was heady, and not-Sabrina relished in pressing their body against the struggling girl…

…Zelda was cowering at her feet in the Witch’s Cell, and Sabrina reached out to pull her up roughly by the hair, and her aunt was crying, and begging for mercy, and a voice that was not her own laughed and told her she was a disgrace to the Spellman name…

…and Hilda, baby-faced and trembling, was being pushed around a circle of witches and warlocks shouting hurtful things, and even as not-Sabrina’s hands knocked her aunt to the ground, she saw Zelda emerge from the crowd, Vinegar Tom at her heels, and the dog was rabid, barking at the students until their words were drowned out, and Zelda was chanting in Latin, and suddenly Sabrina was thrown back by power so intense there was no countering it…

Sabrina gasped, banging her head against the wall, trying to knock the images out of her brain. She bit her tongue, and the taste of blood in her mouth was all she needed to keep from returning to the visions of things long past.

Zelda’s weak voice broke through her reverie. _“Hilda? My body is getting heavier and my vision is going dark. What…_ what _did you give me to drink?”_

_“I’m sorry, Zelda. I told you: I’m not letting you go back to the Academy.”_

Sabrina took a deep breath, then held it for eight counts before letting it go. At least she didn’t need to worry about Auntie Zee going back to that—that—monster. She could still feel the weight of the whip in her hands, and how powerful she felt to have such a strong woman at her mercy, and she knows those feelings were not her own, and that Blackwood would pay for what he’d done, but she needed to see her aunt for herself, in the present day, if only to calm her racing pulse.

Sabrina stood before pressing her ear against the door. She hadn’t been able to hear anything once Zelda had presumably fallen asleep. She was unprepared for the door to suddenly open, and felt no small amount of confusion when she looked up to see her Aunt Zelda’s haughty glare.

“Were you eavesdropping, young lady?” said Zelda, but it didn’t sound like Zelda at all. Her voice was all wrong.

“Aunties…?” Sabrina said, looking around the woman standing in front of her to see her true Aunt Zelda sleeping in bed.

“You’re putting your nose where it doesn’t belong, Sabrina,” said not-Zelda, although her voice sounded much more convincing this time around.

“Aunt Hilda? Why do you look like…?”

“His Unholy Eminence is expecting me,” said Hilda, and it was a really great glamour, because even Sabrina was having a hard time telling that it was anything but real.

“Are you sure that’s a good idea…?” Sabrina wasn’t convinced this was the best plan. Father Blackwood might be drunk on his power, but he was still a pretty big threat, and Hilda wasn't exactly known in the coven for being a formidable opponent.

“Will you watch over your aunt while she sleeps, Sabrina? I gave her a strong enough sleeping draft to keep her resting for at least twelve hours, but just in case it fails, I don’t want her to wake up alone.”

Sabrina’s eyes were drawn to the bruises on Zelda’s arms that Hilda hadn’t had the time to heal yet. They made her stomach twist as she received a vision of holding her aunt down, and moving on top of her…

No. She needed to focus, and stay in the present. “Of course, Aunt Hilda. I’ll be there for her. I promise.”

She pulled a chair over to Auntie Zee’s bed, sitting down more heavily than she intended. Then she reached for her hand, taking it in both of her own. Up close, Sabrina could see how much Zelda had been physically hiding from them. With the glamour spell gone, Zelda looked like she had been set upon by a beast.

“I shouldn’t be long. As much as I would like to draw it out, I think it would be better for everyone if His Unholy Eminence is taken care of sooner rather than later. If I’m not back by morning, I’ve probably wound up in the Witch’s Cell.”

“You’ll be back,” said Sabrina, firmly, before adding in a whisper, “you have to be.”

Hilda gave her an awkward hug. It was surreal to see Aunt Zelda’s body move and act like Hilda’s. While Zelda had never withheld physical affection from Sabrina, she would certainly never attempt a hug at such a strange angle. She was much more practical when it came to demonstrations of love.

“You be strong, and stay safe. Don’t do anything rash while I’m gone, hmm?”

“Yes, Auntie,” said Sabrina, memorizing the way her aunt felt in her arms. She couldn’t shake the feeling that this was a terrible idea, even if she knew in her heart of hearts that Blackwood more than deserved whatever it was Aunt Hilda had planned for him.

“I’ll be back in two shakes of a lamb’s tail,” said Hilda, and then she was gone.

Sabrina let out a long breath. Now that she was alone with Aunt Zelda, it was hard to be as strong as she wanted to be. She kept thinking about what she had seen, and how much her aunt had endured. She had always thought of Auntie Zee as untouchable; no one would ever dare to lay a finger on her, surely? But now she was being forced to consider that her aunt, who had always been the strongest woman she had ever known, had been completely at the mercy of a wicked man. He had placed her under a spell and _tortured_ her. More than that, he had _enjoyed_ doing it.

Looking at Aunt Zee’s bruised face, Sabrina’s eyes started to burn, and an unexpected wave of anger rose inside of her.

How could Aunt Zelda have allowed this to happen? Sabrina had _told_ her not to marry Blackwood. Why hadn’t she listened? This all could've been avoided if she had just _listened to her_ … Zelda knew what Father Blackwood was like, and she married him anyway. She had no one to blame but herself. Never again could Sabrina look at her the same way. Aunt Zelda was no longer untouchable. The person she had looked up to, who set an example of how strong a witch could be, was gone. Now, she was just another victim, like Lilith, who put her faith in a man she had no reason to trust. How could her aunt have been so _stupid_? How could she have been so _weak_?

But then, Sabrina thought about Harvey, and how he still loved his father, even when he hurt him. She didn’t blame Harvey for that…did she? But Aunt Zee admitted she didn’t even love Father Blackwood…so what was the _point_ of all of it? She wanted power and she got it, but that power came at the price of her personhood, at the price of her _family_. How could she—?

The first sob tore through Sabrina unexpectedly, and then the second, and then she was crying harder than she had ever cried in her life. She slipped out of the chair and onto her knees, resting her head on her aunt’s stomach, clutching at the fabric of her nightgown like she hadn’t done since she was a girl.

She hoped Hilda killed Blackwood slowly and painfully. She imagined breaking every single one of the fingers that had pressed the bruises into her aunt’s skin. She wanted his back whipped until the bones beneath the skin poked through. She wanted his hands cut off for how they had grabbed her hips and breasts and legs, and his tongue removed for all of the humiliating orders he had given her, and his lips sown shut so that he might never put his mouth on anyone again…

…and _this_ was the anger she wanted, this was righteous fury, this was Agatha’s neck slit open for her crimes, and she remembered how easy it was to hold the knife, and how simple a thing it is to murder someone who deserves it, and she almost wished Hilda had taken her with her, because Blackwood ought to know that Spellman women would never be under his control again…

Her whole body was shaking with the intensity of it all, and she couldn’t get Blackwood's euphoria out of her mind; the way it had felt to render a strong witch powerless, to bend her to his will, to take and take and take…

Sabrina knew, then, that she could never blame Zelda for the choices she had made that led to this moment. Sabrina had made mistakes, too, but she always had her aunties and Ambrose to help her clean up her messes. Raising her head to look at Zelda’s peaceful face, she vowed to anyone who was listening that she would protect her auntie, just as her aunt had protected her all of her life. No one would ever hurt Aunt Zelda again, if it was within Sabrina’s power to stop it.

And Satan knew, she had the power. 


End file.
